What if I NEVER meet the right girl?
What if I turn out to be a FAILURE with the opposite sex?
What if I’m destined to spend my whole life ALONE?
What if . . .
The questions swarmed my brain like an army of bloodthirsty mosquitoes then waged a war on the pit of my stomach. I was 16 and had just been slammed hard by a very painful, very lonely, avoid-at-any-cost experience: REJECTION FROM A GIRL.
My buddy Alan had the brilliant idea of setting me up with one of our school’s most popular teens.
“SHEILA?!” I gasped. “Are you crazy? We say hi in the halls and she signed my yearbook last year, but she’s not interested in ME.”
“I’m positive she likes you,” Alan insisted. “I’m never wrong about these things.”
Mistake No. 1: I listened to a guy who claimed he was never wrong about girls.
My buddy pointed me in her direction then convinced me the moment was right. “She’s alone . . . waiting for you to make a move,” he said. “Now stop being a wimp and get yourself a girlfriend.”
Mistake No. 2: I let myself believe that being girl-less meant being less of a guy.
I swallowed back my fear and inched my way toward Sheila. (Being a wimp seemed a lot easier, especially if I could melt into a crack on the floor.)
Mistake No. 3: I tried to turn a casual friendship into something romantic — even though it wasn’t right.
Sheila flashed her unforgettable smile, the one that always turned up the speed of my heart rate.
I cleared my throat, then blurted out a bunch of jumbled thoughts: “I was thinking. . . . Well, Alan told me. . . . What I’m trying to say is, I like you, and it would be cool if . . .”
Before I could pry loose another word from my tongue, Sheila’s warm expression had turned into a cold stare. And without saying a word, she walked right past me and practically decked Alan. “If Michael asks,” she snarled, “YOU’RE DEAD!” She then disappeared into the girls’ restroom.
Alan looked at me with a sheepish grin. “Ouch!” he said.
The last thing I remember was melting into a crack on the floor.
Waiting Is Worth It
I survived my first big female flop and eventually learned the basics of impressing a girl, like never stepping on cracks when I’m feeling wimpy and always using complete sentences when I’m attempting to communicate.
But as I grew into manhood, I discovered a frustrating fact about us guys: Regardless of our age or how much we’ve dated, we’d rather be flogged, quartered and burned at the stake than risk rejection from the opposite sex.
I was never more aware of this than when I knelt in front of the woman I deeply love — Tiffany Cox — and asked the ultimate question: “Will you marry me?”
On Christmas Eve 1996, Tiffany and I had spent the afternoon hiking in the wilderness near her parents’ home in Pineville, W.Va.
“This is my favorite spot,” Tiffany said when we reached the end of the trail at a steep ridge with a postcard-perfect view. “I used to come here when I had big decisions to pray about.”
“I can see why,” I said. “This place definitely feels a little closer to God.”
Rugged mountains and misty groves of oak and spruce stretched endlessly across the West Virginia landscape. It didn’t take a bolt of lightning (or my buddy Alan) to convince me that the setting was ideal and the moment was right. More important, I knew Tiffany was the right woman.
Asking this incredible lady to spend her life with me involved a risk. After all, God could have had other plans for Tiffany. Yet several key things had given me confidence:
Tiffany and I had built our relationship on a foundation of . . .
. . . FAITH. Jesus, and His will for our lives, was (and is) the center of our desires. He defined our self-worth, not the status of having someone to date.
. . . FRIENDSHIP. We’d spent a little more than two years getting to know each other. This meant countless hours having fun together and asking each other hard questions. True intimacy always grows slowly out of the solid soil of knowing each other casually and intently.
. . . SUPPORT. We kept our relationship within sight of our families. One of the first steps I took was to ask Tiffany’s dad for his permission to get married, as well as his blessing on our life together.
. . . SEXUAL PURITY. Nothing can ruin a relationship quicker than going too far, too fast, too soon. I’m proud we’d made a commitment to stay pure for each other and for God.
The Eternal Answer
I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a small velvet box, then handed it to Tiffany. “I have an early Christmas gift for you,” I said.
She ran her finger across the lid and smiled. “I bet it’s jewelry!”
As Tiffany reached in and gently pulled out a diamond engagement ring, the expression on her face gave me a solid clue to her answer. (And it was far from a cold stare!)
I knelt. “I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of this life without you,” I said, looking deeply into her brown eyes. “Will you marry me?”
Tiffany’s smile grew even bigger. “YES!”
Before we headed down the mountain to share the news with Tiffany’s family, I spent some time talking to my Father: Thank You, God, for this priceless woman You’ve given me. Waiting for her has been worth it. I give You this marriage. Bless it, use it and let Your will be done.
•••
I’m sure that marriage is several years down the road for you, but like most guys, you probably share the dream of one day spending your life with the right woman. Take that dream seriously!
Don’t set yourself up for a fall by forcing romantic expectations on every girl you meet. Instead, build a firm foundation for your future marriage by making a commitment to seeking God’s will and saving yourself for His best. And as you grow into manhood — and closer to finding the woman of your dreams — never forget: Waiting is worth it! 
| 8 GREAT NONDATE IDEAS
• Attend an air show. The F-117 Nighthawk (better known as the Stealth Fighter) looks like a sleek bat as it sweeps through the clear blue sky. In the blink of an eye, it spirals to the runway, touching down in a puff of smoke. Seconds later, your ears feel as if they’re going to explode as a vintage B-17 bomber rumbles overhead. And a short distance on the horizon you spot two World War I military planes staging a dogfight. A grin stretches across your friends’ faces, while your heart thumps with patriotism. Your afternoon nondate at an air show delivers nonstop adventure, not to mention lots to talk about.
• Spend the day at an amusement park. Are you crazy about a Ferris wheel, wild for bumper cars or love the sugar rush of cotton candy? If so, here’s a nondate for you. Call a bunch of other friends, and go to an amusement park. Ride the rides, eat a ton of hotdogs and enjoy the shows.
• Go white-water rafting. Your nerves surge with 10,000 volts of raw fear. Your heart pounds, your eyes bulge, your vocal cords explode with a primordial scream that’s loud enough to trigger an avalanche in the Himalayas. This is what a high-action, bone-jarring white-water encounter feels like. The truth is, river running offers a prime summertime rush, as well as an ideal group adventure!
• Clean up a neighbor’s yard. Look around. Is there someone who needs help in your very own neighborhood? Does his grass need to be trimmed or the leaves need to be raked? If the owner is elderly, it’s possible that he is not able to do the yard work himself. Call your guy-girl friends and ask the owner for permission to work in his yard. He may be a little surprised at first, but he will also be very grateful.
• Host a board-game marathon. Dig out those board games, and have a party. It may seem old-fashioned, but there’s a reason why they’ve been around for so long: They’re fun! Most games are designed for two to eight players and require very little skill, but a commitment to relax and laugh a lot.
• Enjoy some March Madness! The heat intensifies as 32 narrows to 16, then eight, then the final four. Eventually the top two battle it out and one team is crowned champion. It’s one of the most exciting college ball events. Grab some friends and join the fun.
• Tube it. Think of nature as a really large playground. There are so many ways to enjoy the great outdoors. Try tubing down a creek in the summer and the slopes during the winter. Tubes are easy to come by, and a slow scenic route can offer a safe and enjoyable ride for all experience levels.
• Create care packages for soldiers. There’s nothing like the taste of a homemade cookie, the feel of a full tube of toothpaste or the excitement of a book of stamps. OK, maybe not on one of your regular days, but it sure is true for soldiers stationed overseas. Small comforts from home are hard to come by. Even a care package from a complete stranger can boost morale for weeks. |
