“Why would God give us teens a desire for sex then tell us to wait for years — until marriage — to experience it?”Chad’s remark strikes a nerve with the other guys in his high school Bible study group.
“It’s torture,” Jason chimes in. “And where does the Bible actually say to wait until marriage?”
Today’s topic: “Lust Control.” The group of four guys is focusing on 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, beginning with a verse that reads, “ ’Everything is permissible for me’ — but not everything is beneficial.”
Eric, a new believer, shakes his head. “So, what’s this verse saying?” he asks. “Is having sex OK — but risky?”
“And how are we supposed to define sexual immorality?” Jason adds. “Verse 13 says, ‘The body is not meant for sexual immorality.’ But how far is too far?”
Jeff, who was quietly reading the Scripture, looks up in disbelief. They’re totally missing what the Lord is communicating here, he thinks to himself. And what he hears next nearly makes his blood boil.
“Look, I made a commitment to purity, and I’m still a virgin,” Chad says with a grin stretching across his face, “but it doesn’t stop my girlfriend and me from doing other things . . . if you know what I mean!”
Everyone except Jeff laughs.
“So what’s your problem, Jeff?” Chad asks.
“Yeah, you’ve been quiet all morning. Speak up,” Eric insists.
Jeff looks back at Chad and swallows. “OK, you asked . . . so I’ll be honest with you,” he says. “Any kind of sexual activity between two people who aren’t married to each other is wrong. The Bible is clear about this and lots of other stuff.“
Jeff pauses, searching for the right words. All eyes are on him.
“I mean, why read this book and have weekly studies if you don’t believe — and do — what it says?” he adds. “My youth pastor explains it this way: ‘If you really want to live for God, then you’ve got to focus on His truth — not on what seems right at the moment.’ “
The room is completely silent. Jeff can’t believe what just came out of his mouth. Thanks, Lord, but now they think I’m legalistic. Please, get me out of this one. Show me what else to say.
•••
Why didn’t God make the quest for purity easier for guys? Why didn’t He give you sexual desires on your wedding night and not a moment before?
Could it be that our Creator wants to take you on a journey into authentic manhood? I think so. I’m convinced that He wants to embrace that sometimes weak but one-of-a-kind kid you see in the mirror and transform him into a warrior fit to wear His badge: “a workman approved by God” (2 Timothy 2:15).
This transformation — like anything worthwhile in life — involves struggle.
No doubt, you yearn for help in your battle against lust, and like the guys you just read about, you want real answers to tough questions. In the months ahead, Breakaway will arm you with some powerful ammunition, as well as a realistic battle plan to strengthen you in your fight for sexual purity.
This month, we’ll take a look at holy matrimony and why God tells us to save sex for marriage.
Marriage: A Sacred Fortress
• God’s design for sex. Despite the mixed messages you hear from friends or the media, here’s the truth about sex: God designed it to be saved for marriage. The sexual relationship binds together a husband and wife in body and soul. And this bond is meant to last for a lifetime. (Can you see why divorce is so devastating?)
Sex before marriage — sex without complete legal, spiritual and emotional commitment — is like dessert before the meal. It will spoil our appetite for really healthy food. Those who’ve been sexually active before marriage often struggle with commitment once they’re married. People who try sex without marriage frequently have difficulty establishing lasting, loving relationships.
• What the Bible says. Although some guys try to argue that premarital sex is OK, the Bible clearly communicates this equation: premarital sex = sin.
A number of passages tell us that marriage is the right place for sex — and specifically state that extramarital alternatives are off-limits for believers. Take a look:
Adultery is wrong — Exodus 20:14
Sex with a prostitute is wrong — 1 Corinthians 6:15-17
Impurity is wrong — Colossians 3:5-8
Sexual activity outside of marriage is impure — Hebrews 13:4
With verses such as these, is it possible that God would make an exception for premarital sex? Is sex outside of marriage something He considers pure and moral? Of course He doesn’t.
• Why “wait training” is the right choice. Check out the following letter. It’s from a guy who has “been there, done that” — and desperately wishes he hadn’t. Eighteen-year-old Sean of Grand Rapids, Mich., sent it to me, along with a request: “Please print this so other guys can hear the truth and maybe avoid the mistakes I’ve made.”
It seems that the whole world is telling us that sex is OK. And it is — strictly within the bonds of marriage. But instead of following God’s Word, I gave away my virginity.
At the time, I was convinced that having sex was the most wonderful thing in the world. Afterward, it left the girl and me with heartache. I don’t mean simply hurt feelings; I’m talking about utter heartache. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret that first sexual touch. Why? Because it gradually led to other things — and eventually to intercourse.
I know that God has forgiven me for my sins, but I can’t help asking myself, Will my future wife forgive me? How am I going to tell her that I gave away a gift that was meant only for her? And on my wedding night, I’ll have pictures of another girl in my head, which is so wrong! To treat women as most of the secular world does is absolute sin.
I envy every one of you who doesn’t know what sexual intimacy with a girl is like. If you’re a virgin, you are so fortunate. I pray that you’ll stay pure for marriage and that God will richly bless your marriage bed. And as much as you want sex now, remember that God has the right kind of woman in mind for you — that is, if it’s His desire for you to be married. Hold strong and give your future wife the gift of your virginity. 
