HEY MIKE! I’m having problems at home, and I need help. First, my parents are very strict. I know I’m supposed to honor them, but I don’t agree with their rules, and I think they are very harsh. See, they want me to break up with my girlfriend, and that infuriates me. Lately, I’ve been rebellious, and I know that’s wrong. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation?
—Name Withheld
HEY MIKE! I go to a private Christian school, and even though I’m very close to my friends, my parents don’t want me getting close to my female friends. My mom and dad won’t let me IM (instant message) or call girls because they’re worried about us becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve tried to disagree with them respectfully, but they won’t listen. What should I do?
—J.H., Lago Vista, Texas
These situations are tough.
On one hand, the two of you have to trust your parents’ judgment and honor their decisions. Yet getting “infuriated” and allowing resentment to grow certainly isn’t right. You need to share your thoughts and, if anything, have the assurance that they’ve adequately heard you. So what should you do? Try this:
• Let things cool off for a few days, especially if you’ve given Mom and Dad some attitude: stuff like slamming doors, rolling eyes and yelling matches.
• In the meantime, mentally evaluate your circumstances. Ask yourself some questions: Is this a matter of obedience? (Exactly what is my family’s position on dating?) Or is this an issue of trust? Could it be that my behavior is causing my parents to doubt me in some way? Do I need to make some changes, such as rethinking my choice of friends, building up my character or modeling some maturity? Are Mom and Dad actually protecting me from something I can’t yet see?
• Talk to Jesus about all of this. Seek His will and guidance. Ask Him to take away any bitterness between you and your parents. Ask Him to restore peace. Pray Psalm 139:23-24.
• Get some perspectives from a trusted Christian adult: your pastor, a youth worker at church, your uncle.
• When the time is right, approach your parents. (1) Begin with an apology for any rebelliousness on your part. Even shock them a bit: Tell them how much they mean to you. (2) Assure them that you don’t want to argue. Your motive is to talk, be heard, then listen. (3) Get your family’s official stance on the whole dating, relating, guy/girl thing. Maybe even consider talking through some guidelines.
For example, if your parents are OK with dating, discuss with them an appropriate age when you can start or a character quality that you need to develop first. Then set some parameters.
HEY MIKE! Everybody picks on my friend and calls him a geek. I really like him, but I don’t want to be made fun of. Besides, I want cool friends, too. What should I do?
—L.S., Detroit
It’s perfectly natural to want to be accepted. We all want and need friends, don’t we? And who wants to be picked on? On the other hand, I guess you’ve got to decide what kind of friends you really want.
One of the problems with “cool-crowd” friendships is they tend to be pretty shallow. People like us or don’t like us because of what we wear, the way we talk, the stuff we do or even the people we snub! And one of the ways people stay IN is by deciding who stays OUT.
Think of it this way: Suppose you had a friend named Jesus. He talked about God a lot, He hung around some of the geeks and nerds, and every now and then He would come out with this weird stuff about His “Father in heaven” (definitely not the cool-crowd type). Would you hang with the guy anyway? Or would you blow Him off so you could be around those folks who “really” know something about love and friendship?
The bottom line is that cool-crowd friendships don’t live up to the advertisement. 
