HEY MIKE! I’m too ashamed to talk to my parents or my youth pastor, so I’m turning to you. It’s hard to admit, but I think I’m struggling with homosexuality. I know God says it’s wrong, and I don’t want to be gay anyway. But sometimes I catch myself feeling attracted to guys. How do I stop these desires and why do I have them? Help!
—Name Withheld
I want you to understand that you’re definitely not alone. I’ve received many letters and e-mails from other Breakaway readers who struggle with some of the same issues.
Even though you’re battling feelings of attraction to the same sex, it doesn’t mean you’re homosexual. Rest assured that some of the conflicting emotions you’re experiencing, as well as the questions you may be asking yourself — “Who am I?” “What does it mean to be a man?” and “How do I feel about the opposite sex?” — are often a normal part of growing up. At your age, sexual desires, as well as the longing for affirmation and approval, can range far and wide.
Understand that struggling with same-sex attraction isn’t a sin, but acting upon these desires is. Prayer is one really important defense in this battle. It’s also important to realize that your feelings may not go away overnight. And opening up doors in your thought life or through your actions with others could potentially fuel your confusion, as well as the depth of your struggle.
I’ve covered this subject in much more detail in Breakaway’s latest devotional book, Tribe: a Warrior’s Battles. (You should consider getting your own copy.) Also, there’s a fantastic Christian Web site for teens who have questions about homosexuality: www.livehope.org.
But for now, let me leave you with three truths I hope you’ll take to heart:
1. “Gay” does not describe who a person is. Instead, it’s a political term that describes a chosen identity or lifestyle. Despite the arguments you may have heard, men and women simply are not born homosexual. God did not design us this way. In fact, as you pointed out, the Lord makes it clear that homosexual behavior is a sinful choice — and He even describes it as unnatural and degrading (see Romans 1:21-32.) The good news is, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 reminds us that people can and do overcome homosexuality, along with other struggles.
2. Since homosexual behavior is a choice your Creator doesn’t want you to make, He will help you have victory over the temptations. Even during those moments when Satan tries to trip you up, Jesus is faithful. He loves you and cares deeply about your struggles. (He understands them better than you do.) He will help you. Tell Him everything you’re feeling and ask Him for guidance. Pray anytime, anywhere. Jesus forgives and heals and delivers.
3. Getting help is another important step you’ve got to take. Don’t struggle alone. Breaking free from the bondage of same-sex attraction can be a difficult endeavor, one that requires commitment, perseverance and a strong relationship with the Lord.
Remember: No matter what choices you’ve made or how much you struggle, you are God’s son. His grace and forgiveness are always there for you.
HEY MIKE! I hate puberty. I’m 14, and everyone is taller than me — even girls. Now I’m getting teased for being short. Help!
—C.A., Colorado Springs, Colo.
You’ve discovered the curse of growing up: Puberty + Peers (mainly the jerks) = Pain (which can feel like the kiss of death).
First, you’re treated like an alien for not developing “fast enough.” Then, when all the changes finally start to kick in, you get called names like “Zit Boy” or “Peach Fuzz.” The whole thing leaves you wondering if life might be better on another planet.
For me, merely answering the phone brought humiliation. I’d say “Hello?” then brace myself for the usual question: “Oh, hi, Mrs. Ross. Is Mike there?” What guy wants to be mistaken for his mother?
But after a year or so, my voice caught up with the rest of my body, and taking calls became a good experience: “Excuse me, MR. Ross — can I speak to your son, Mike?” Cool — I sounded like a man!
So, here’s my point. All the teasing feels lousy right now, but time is going to change everything. Chances are you just haven’t reached your growth spurt. Hold steady for a year or so, and keep in mind two things:
1. Regardless of what other guys say about your height, you’re not weird. Each person’s body develops at a different rate — some a little sooner, some a bit later.
2. Even if you don’t grow as tall as an NBA star, make the most of what you have and excel with your abilities. Your self-worth doesn’t depend on how you look.
