HEY MIKE! There’s a girl at school— (How many letters do you get that start this way? I bet tons!) Anyway, this particular girl is an awesome Christian, very popular and very beautiful . . . and I really want to go out with her. She’s been there for me when I needed her, and we’re good friends. Here’s my problem: I’m afraid she’s way out of my league. I’m not exactly the coolest kid on campus. Yet I can’t turn off my feelings for her. What should I do?
—T.P., Phoenix
Yep—I get stacks of letters that begin this way. And your fears have been echoed by, oh, let’s see—about a gazillion Breakaway readers! (Hey, you’re not alone.)
To start, don’t sell yourself short. Instead of saying, “She’s way out of my league,” focus on your strengths. Even though most guys melt around beautiful girls, most girls rank confidence as a key quality.
Here’s what you should be thinking: Will asking her out change our relationship? And the answer is—it will.
You see, if you ask her out, she might say “yes,” and she might say “no.” Or she might even say, “You’re not in my league, but I have a friend of a friend who is.” (Just kidding about that last part!) Whatever she says, I can promise you that “asking her out” is going to redefine your relationship. It will never be the same again. It won’t necessarily be bad, but it won’t ever be the same.
So here’s the deal: If this girl has always been there for you, and if you’re good friends, then you’ve obviously gotten to know each other pretty well. You need to decide if asking her out is worth the risk. For most guys, pursuing friendship with the opposite sex is a better approach than getting into a dating relationship.
I suggest you do some serious soul-searching. Ask yourself a few questions: Have I committed this to prayer? What is God telling me? Do I sense that she has feelings for me? How will going out make the relationship better? What are my honest motives?
You certainly can’t turn off your heart, but you can be smart and use your head. Go slow, continue to grow the friendship, pray, then—gradually—see if this relationship is moving into something deeper.
For more on this topic, check out “Why Do You Want a Girlfriend” and “How to Build a Better New You.”
HEY MIKE! My parents won’t give me any privacy. If I go into my room, five minutes later there’s a knock at my door and one of them is telling me to come out and be with the family. This bugs me. What should I do?
