Family is one of Tony Dungy’s top priorities. Tony and his wife, Lauren, have six kids. And the coach still gives much of his time to the ministry Family First and its All-Pro Dads outreach, which gives fathers encouragement and tools to connect with their children. We talked with Tony about fathers and sons. Check out his advice for teen guys.
Breakaway: What can a teen do to build a better relationship with his dad?
As a teenager I didn’t always feel like my dad knew the right thing or understood what I was going through. Now as a parent, I talk with my 16-year-old boy. I’ve been there; I know—but he doesn’t think I do. So really listen and try to understand that your dad does care. He does have insight that you don’t have. Listen to it and try to apply it.
I used to think my dad was crazy when he talked about maintaining your cool and how it’s going to help you. I said, “Dad, you didn’t play; you don’t understand how emotional this game was.” By the time I was 20 or 25, I understood that he knew.
Give those relationships a chance and talk through things. Tell your dad what you don’t understand. Don’t just shut it out and say yes and ignore his advice. Say, “Dad, I don’t understand that. I don’t think that’s right. Tell me why you think that.”
It seems that most dads will respond to that.
Yeah, what most dads want is that communication. That’s when I get frustrated with my son when he just says “ahh” and turns me off, because he doesn’t necessarily believe what I’m saying. But if he says, “Well, this is what I think,” then we can have a dialogue. I might not be able to change his mind right away, but at least we can go back and forth with ideas. I can tell him what I really think, and I can tell him that I know it’s tough, I know he’s struggling with this or that. But the hardest thing for a dad is when the son says, “Never mind” or “I don’t want to talk about it.”
What about a kid who has an absent father?
That’s tough. But what you have to do is look for other positive sources. We interview every player that we get from college. I’ll ask him, “If your dad wasn’t there, who was?” Invariably, they say it was a junior high teacher or a high school coach or someone.
Really look at the person you admire and gravitate to him. Don’t be afraid to ask him, “What do you think about this?” or “I wish I could talk to my dad about this but he’s not available for whatever reason” or “I really appreciate you; how do I handle this?”
Most men whom you really admire are going to reach out to you if you approach them that way. I did it even as involved as my dad was. My dad was a teacher, and he was around all the time when I was on vacation or weekends. But I still reached out to a lot of guys I admired and said, “Hey, tell me about this. Can you give me some advice on this?” And they all would. 
