HEY MIKE! There is a girl at church who likes me, and I like her too. But I don’t have the guts to ask her out because I’m very shy. What should my first words be? I need your HELP!
—P.J., Park Forest, Ill.
You’re right—asking a girl out can be tough for guys. My first attempt wasn’t too smooth. I was talking about 100 mph, my pulse rate was somewhere around hyperspeed, and my hands were so sweaty I almost dropped the phone.
Here’s what I eventually learned: One of the big self-imposed hassles facing a lot of guys is the idea that they’ve got to have a girl who is “my” girlfriend. That’s understandable. But it adds a lot of undue pressure on a relationship. At the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, every conversation carries more weight, every disagreement becomes more serious, every phone call or non-phone call turns into a big deal. All of a sudden, the relationship isn’t fun anymore. And, of course, when that happens, you break up, and because of the hurt from the breakup, you’re no longer even good friends!
I can’t tell you exactly what to say, but I can give you this advice: Be yourself, pursue friendship with this girl and resist the pressure to define it in more serious terms. Instead of making her your girlfriend, just let her be your friend. 
